Healing Hashimoto's (or any chronic disease): Listen to Yourself!

The message in this post is short and simple. And I'm not going to make you read the whole thing before you get this message loud and clear: Listen to yourself and your body, no matter what other people say!!!!!

Lately--as you may have read in my previous post--I've experienced a relapse. I went to the doctor three days ago and my latest blood test results confirmed this. My hormone levels have dropped in half since a year ago. In addition, my neurotransmitters have improved but are still quite out of balance---especially my serotonin levels (serotonin is our "feel good" neurotransmitter), and my adrenals are still pooped. I trust my doctor completely, especially because I was very skeptical at first. I was fed up with feeling like crap and was on the verge of going on anti-depressants. She was the fourth practitioner I'd seen in a year. So, I did my research and came to my first half-dozen appointments with a long list of questions. She spent a lot of time with me explaining things. So, this alone built trust. More importantly, however, she's been down the road I've been on. She was diagnosed with Hashimoto's several years ago and tried the Western medicine path to no avail (they just prescribed drugs which didn't get to the core of the problem). So, she went to see a naturopath. Did I mention my doctor is an M.D.? To be brief, her naturopath helped her heal. She still experiences symptoms from time to time during flare-ups, but she is a total convert to integrative medicine. Lastly, my doctor is smart! She sees the big picture of healing. At each appointment she asks me questions not only about my physical symptoms but questions about how my relationship with my husband is going (we are newly married), whether or not I'm exercising, how I'm eating. There is more and more scientific research supporting a holistic approach to healing chronic disease (I highly recommend reading David Servan-Schreiber's book, Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life for more details on the latest studies being conducted on this). She tries natural approaches first and rarely prescribes medication. The reason for this? She's seen the results of the natural approach! It's as simple as that.

So, like I said, I trust my doctor. I trust my treatment plan. I am fully committed to feeling well. I go to yoga 2-3 times a week. I eat a Paleolithic diet (high protein, a lot of vegetables and no grains). I walk every day. I meditate every day. I see a therapist for emotional support. I'm not saying I always do it perfectly (wine and chocolate are my friends), but I am taking noble steps toward getting better. In other words, I am a dream patient!!!! I am totally committed to the healing process! More importantly, I have experienced feeling better, so I trust that what I'm doing is working which motivates me to do all that I can do to heal. But the healing process is not a straight upward progression, there are peaks and valleys. And the body is complex, so addressing all the layers of what's happening can be tricky and complicated. This means that a pill or pills will not "cure" what ails me. It's a process. Do we really think we can cure a health issue that's been building for 40 years in 3 months? We are such an instant gratification kind of society that it's hard for us to come to terms with the fact that healing involves a process not just a pill. And believe me, if I believed a pill would do the trick, my medicine cabinet would be full! But the research I've done suggests that it takes more than this to heal.

You can see why then, I get annoyed when I share my challenges with friends and colleagues and some of them give me off-the-cuff advice like, "Why don't you just go on meds so you can feel better?!!" or "Are you sure you don't want to try anti-depressants?" or "Have you tried such and such?" Ok folks, enough! I try to have compassion for these types of responses. I'm sure they are only trying to help. I can empathize with the fact that watching your loved one suffer can be painful, and that all you really want to do is try to help them fix it so that they no longer suffer. I can also understand that they may be uncomfortable with hearing someone be real about their health challenges. Or maybe they just have a different idea of what "healing" or "curing" looks like. I often run into people who think that integrative or alternative medicine is a bunch of new-age hooey. They live by the Western medicine paradigm. If they read David Servan-Schreiber's book they might change their view. He strictly believed that Western medicine was the saving grace for any illness until he was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and experienced a relapse after the standard western approach failed. He ended up using a combination of chemotherapy, dietary and lifestyle changes, meditation, and psychotherapy to help heal his cancer. We tend to believe what we can see, which often means that if there is no scientific research to back it up, then there is no validity to the method. Dr. Mahmut Oz says that there is a gradual movement toward devoting more money toward research on alternative healing methods, but thus far, not many people have wanted to invest in it, therefore there is not a lot of research to support it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't work. Shamans, Tibetans, the Vedics, Native Americans, all of these indigenous cultures have practiced "alternative" healing, often with great success. But that's another blog post.

The reason the off-the-cuff responses are so frustrating to me is that, in my perception, these folks are offering advice that 1) I haven't asked for, 2) is based on a lack of in-depth knowledge about the exact nature of my health issues, and 3) is given without knowing what I've already tried, what has or hasn't worked, and what my treatment plan is now. Believe me, I will ask you for your suggestions if 1) my doctor runs out of ideas, 2) if what I've tried doesn't end up working, or 3) if you have just read cutting edge research that I haven't read already.

So, please people, if you have friends and loved ones who struggle with chronic illness do your research, ask them questions, support them with your awesome listening and empathizing skills but do not give advice unless it is invited! Receiving unsolicited advice when you are already feeling like you're doing everything in your power to improve your health feels like a slap in the face. It doesn't acknowledge what you've already tried and the progress you've made to that point. This may just be my perception so consider it, talk with your loved ones and see how they feel about it. Maybe they feel really supported by your advice because they hadn't thought of your suggestions before. It's just that in my case, I spend about 60-70% of time doing research, talking to my doctors, reading books, listening to my body, and following my treatment plan. I know what I'm doing, I just need encouragement and love and a listening ear when I'm feeling fed up.

That said, I do have people in my life who I feel are very supportive--colleagues, friends, family, my husband, my yoga teacher, my therapist. The best support I receive is when someone simply listens, tries to understand what I'm experiencing, and offers warmth and encouragement. Maybe they can even relate to the challenges I'm facing so I don't feel so alone in the whole deal. In any case, as a recovering advice-giver myself, I understand the urge, but now I'm realizing how little help it truly provides to someone who is struggling.

I know my body well. And I trust my doctor. Most of all, I trust myself and the path that I've taken to get to where I am. The bottom line is that when I take time to listen to my body and myself, there's always new wisdom and guidance revealed about my next step to healing. And I have a smart, supportive doctor to help me with the details. What more do I need? A listening ear, an open heart, and a shoulder to lean on, that's what. Getting healthy and being happy is not automatic. Sometimes we have to work at it---some of us more than others. We need each other---not what's in our heads, but what's in our hearts. That's the good stuff. And that's what helps us heal. So, if you struggle with chronic illness, I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice (remember, I'm a recovering advice-giver): Consider your doctor's advice, the latest research, your loved ones' concerns, but most of all, listen to yourself and your body.

I should also add, that medication (aka, a pill) does indeed help many people. I don't want to sound like I am totally against Western medicine and what it has to offer. Some folks find anti-depressants, for example, to be very useful in taming their symptoms--some for the long-term (years) and some for a shorter period of time like 6mo to a year. I don't want to minimize the dramatic effects some folks experience when they take these medicines. To each his own. It's just that for me, in my case, the problem is much more multi-dimensional. So, back to my advice: Listen to yourself! If meds help you, then by all means take them! If they don't, then explore what works for you. No one can tell you how to heal. They can offer information, suggestions, etc. but you are the one inhabiting your body. I've found that as I get more and more in touch with my body's responses to different choices I make, foods I eat, types of exercise in which I engage, the more I can rely on it to guide me in the right direction.

I invite you to listen and learn and see what you discover.

Autoimmune Disease: Dealing with Relapse

Over the past few months I've been feeling more vitality in my day-to-day life. However, with increased work demands, financial limitations, and, as a result, less money for yoga, I've experienced a relapse in my health. It's disappointing to say the least, but as a psychology instructor who teaches about change and relapse, I should know better, right? Wrong! It's a whole other ballgame when it hits so close to home.

A little over a week ago, I had a more intense teaching schedule than usual. Now, I should mention that "intense" for me is very different from my colleagues' definition of the word. One of my colleagues is around my age and is currently teaching 6 1/2 classes! I am teaching 3 1/2. But when you have an autoimmune disease of which fatigue is one of the primary symptoms, it doesn't take much to tip you over the edge. I should also mention that one of the classes I was teaching that week consisted of ten hours of teaching over two days--2 1/2 hours on Friday and 8 hours on Saturday. It's tiring even when you don't have a chronic illness. I was actually feeling pretty energetic and upbeat going into Friday's class, but I could tell that I wasn't as excited to teach as I usually am. I just didn't have the usual va-va-voom energy. But I got through the class with flying colors---aka, no one ran out of the room screaming, many students thanked me for a fun and informative class, and I felt good about the job I'd done.

That evening, however, I was pooped. I ended up going to bed at 9pm and waking up the next morning at 9am. Yes folks, that's a 12-hour night of sleep. Now, before you get jealous and start wishing you had the freedom to sleep so long, realize that even 12 hours of sleep didn't cure my deep exhaustion. I'd worked Friday evening to Saturday evening, slept 12 hours, proceeded to spend the day with my husband's parents (we had a great time, by the way), and felt pretty good when I hit the pillow. But, when Monday morning came around, it felt like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. I dragged myself out of bed and into work, however, after teaching my first class I was even more exhausted. I decided to head home. I ended up taking the rest of the week off--6 days off, to be exact.

The following Saturday I pulled a 13-hour night of sleep. Again, I know you are thinking, "So, what is your problem? I'm lucky if I get 6 hours a night with the baby crying, my kids waking me up at dawn, and my insomnia kicking in at all hours of the night". But again, let me explain. You think that 6 days off cured my exhaustion? Not quite. Obviously, by Saturday I was bushed...again. How did this happen? Every day that week I took time to read, relax, nap, eat good food, take light walks, stretch, meditate, take deep breaths. You'd think with a schedule like that I'd be good to go!

Well, admittedly, I did feel better today (Monday) when I woke up. I actually felt pretty energetic after teaching both of my classes. But I was miffed that it took me more than 6 days of relaxation and 7 nights of luxurious sleep to get there!

After some frustration, tears, and fear that I would never "feel like myself again"--read that as, having the energy to drive across town on any given day to run arrends, enjoy the company of friends, see a movie, go to an art show, or take a walk--I came to a realization: What if I never feel like myself again? Would that be so bad? Would days filled with relaxation, yoga, less teaching and more writing, having friends over more often, and sticking close to home to read a book or enjoy our garden or spend time cuddling with my husband be such a bad life? Hmmm. What exactly am I complaining about again?

I will tell you what (oh, did you think I was going to get all enlightened on you? Well, hold on, I'm getting there)! I'm complaining about the fact that I can't be the woman I used to be. That is, I can't fit as many tasks into a day; I can't go out to as many parties or bars or art shows or music shows in a week; I can't teach as many students or grade as many papers; I can't work out at the gym for an hour each day; I can't drink multiple glasses of wine or eat sugary desserts; I can't multi-task or people-please or be highly productive. Hmmmm.....again I ask, what exactly am I complaining about?

It is an adjustment, this new level of energy. I certainly won't deny that there have been growing pains, resistance, temper-tantrums, and tears. My identity my whole life has been one of "do-er" extraordinaire! I am a strong, kick-ass woman who can lift anything, do anything, get anything done you need doing! But those days may be over forever and it's time I accepted it. It is a new era of putting myself first without being self-centered; spending time with friends on my own terms while still extending a helping hand and a compassionate heart; exercising without overdoing it; serving my students while remaining calm, peaceful, grounded, and relaxed. It's about doing things differently. Doing less, being more and when I find myself needing to "do", doing in a way that is sustainable to my body, mind, heart and soul. End of story.

So, have I been feeling sorry for myself? Hell, yes! Will I in the future? Probably! But what if I just let go, surrendered, accepted my place in the river of life right where I am? I am aware that the people who new me as the old Margaret may not "get it" or even want the new me. This is scary, but, at the same time, freeing! Who will I attract to the me now? Maybe people who really "get" the new Margaret!! Hey, sounds pretty good! I am also aware that I may not be able to bring in as much money as I once could by working more hours, but hey, if I follow my heart, how can I not attract abundance? Like attracts like, right?

I am feeling challenged these days, but I am hopeful. Lately, my days have brought extreme neck and shoulder pain, the heaviness of exhaustion, irritability about the smallest things (oh, my poor husband), impatience at having to take things so slowly, and frustration that I don't have as much vitality as I'd like to have. My fuse is short. My sleeping hours are long. My time with friends is less frequent. My need to slip into bed and read a book in the middle of the afternoon, more frequent. You get the drift. I'm in transition and sometimes I am kicking and screaming my way through all the changes. But, when I get quiet, when I take the time to slow down and rest, I hear my inner voice of wisdom guiding me along the path. I trust that voice with all my heart. I really do. It wouldn't lead me down a path that didn't have some gifts awaiting me. Just because many of my fellow humans are still traveling at the speed of sound does not mean that I need to, and it doesn't make them or me right or wrong. It's just my time to slow it down...big time! And why not enjoy those slow, innocent kiddie rides again? I've spent most of my life whirling on those roller coasters. It's time to get off and take it easy.

All that said, my neck is sore, my stomach hungry, my mind tired. I think I'll lay down now and take a big, 'ol nap!! Sleep tight!

Feeling Better! Hashimoto's and the Path to Healing: Part 2

It's been just over a month since I posted my first story about my path to healing Hashimoto's thyroiditis. I am pleased to report that I am feeling so much better! It happened about two weeks after my post back in October. I woke up, went through my day and kept thinking, "I feel so joyful. I feel so energetic! Look how beautiful the trees are! I feel so good!" I couldn't help noticing my new sense of vitality and a very new sense of loving my life! I have said to friends that it's been years since I've felt this good. But, in fact, I'm not sure I've ever felt this good.

When I was seven years old, I was hospitalized due to symptoms of diabetes. The doctor did some blood tests and discovered that I had hypoglycemia. I was sent home with this diagnosis. However, my parents didn't really know how to deal with it so I kept eating sugary desserts, drinking cow's milk (to which I later found out I was very allergic), and not surprisingly feeling crummy. Not only did I suffer from anxiety and bouts of depression even as a young kid, I also had a chronic cough that wouldn't stop. My family, and even my neighbors noticed it and told me to , "Stop coughing, already!!!" It's was annoying to them and me, but no one knew about food allergies or food sensitivities back then, so no one knew how to stop it.

Throughout my childhood and more dramatically in my college years, I suffered intense sinus infections and ear infections, no doubt caused by my compromised immune system. Doctors prescribed antibiotics, of course, which only served to rob my digestive tract of good bacteria and treat the symptoms but not heal the underlying cause. On top of all of this, I was a very active athlete. In high school I swam 2-3 hours a day and lifted weights twice a week for an hour each day. In college this increased to five hours of swimming a day and three weightlifting sessions per week. I don't remember missing more than 1-2 practices my entire college swimming career. I swam through sinus infections, bronchitis, colds, you name it. This is how it was throughout my childhood and adolescence as well--I didn't miss more than 3-4 days of school per year. I went to school even when I was sick, with the exception of the stomach flu. In my late twenties I came down with pneumonia. By the time I went to see the doctor, she told me that if I had waited much longer to see her, I might have died. In my thirties, I developed serious bronchitis three different times and was laid up for at least 1-2 months each episode. In retrospect, I believe the antibiotics, food allergies, and my active lifestyle all contributed to the breakdown of my immune system. By the time I turned 35, I was exhausted! By the time I was 40, I was dealing with depression, anxiety, extreme fatigue, heart palpitations, insomnia, and serious PMS.

That's when I knew I needed to get help, and fast!!!! First I went to a nurse practitioner who tested my Vit D and Vit B levels. I was significantly low in both. She gave me supplements. She also tested my hormone levels and noticed that my testosterone levels were low. She prescribed DHEA supplements. However, she didn't prescribe an adrenal test, nor did she test my neurotransmitters so I decided to get a second opinion. I went to see a Physician's Assistant, that was recommended to me by a friend (Thanks Lynn!). She immediately tested my neurotransmitters and adrenals. My serotonin levels were very low. My GABA was out of balance. My adrenals were overproducing cortisol at night and underproducing during the day, which meant they were being overworked. She prescribed 5-HTP (an amino acid which is a precursor to serotonin production), Taurine (to rebalance my GABA and help with my anxiety) and a vitamin supplement to support my adrenals. The PA moved to Boulder, CO. a month later. I was bummed. But I asked her to give me a referral to another doctor--one who worked in the same way as she did. She gave me the name of an MD who practiced integrative medicine.

I love my doctors! Dr. Maggie Yu, M.D. and Carrie Jones, N.D. work together to serve their patients at Sherwood Family Medicine. Dr. Yu heard my symptoms and immediately ordered a Hashimoto's antibodies test. Sure enough! I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Dr. Yu and Dr. Jones prescribed a gluten-free diet, stress management, selenium supplements, an adrenal supplement called phosphorylated serine, and regular meals to keep my blood sugar levels in balance. She continued the 5-HTP, Taurine, and prescribed a sublingual Vit B supplement.

In addition, I did my own research on diet, exercise, and nutrition. Dr. Jones recommended that I read, Dr. Datis Kharrazian's book, Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? From his book, I discovered a nutritional therapist in the Portland area--Nora T. Gedgaudas--who wrote Primal Body-Primal Mind. I also did a lot of online research. I found a wonderful website to help me eat gluten-free: http://www.simplysugarandglutenfree.com/. I met with an Ayurvedic practitioner, Richard Haynes, who prescribed deep breathing, oil self-massage, and specific foods for balancing Vata and Pitta. He also suggested that I forego intense exercise and take slow walks instead, in order to rest my adrenals. According to Ayurvedic medicine, Hashimoto's disease is the result of a Vata imbalance. As a result, light walking and gentle yoga are recommended for rebalancing the nervous system. Dr. Kharrazian confirms this in his book as well. He discusses how weightlifting burns sugars which taxes the adrenals, whereas light aerobic exercise--like walking, slow biking, and swimming-- burns fat. By burning fat, you maintain proper blood sugar levels, putting less stress on the adrenals.

I've also made other lifestyle changes that have helped me significantly. First off, is maintaining a regular restorative yoga practice. I practice three days a week at Om Base Yoga with Todd Williamson. He incorporates meditation and slow stretching with light strengthening poses. I leave there feeling peaceful, relaxed, and with a heightened sense of well-being. Plus, Todd is so fun to talk to, so playful, such a light, that you can't help but smile as you walk out of the studio. Without my practice at Om Base, I would still be a full-on "Type A" personality! I also practice Yin Yoga at home, using one of Paul Grilley's DVD's. He uses 5-minute poses to gently stretch the myo-facial tissues which encase the muscles. It's gentle, relaxing, and feels great afterwards.

Another lifestyle change I made was to cut back on work. I am lucky that I am able to do this. I am an adjunct faculty member at a local college so I set my own schedule each quarter. I've created a sustainable schedule in which I work every other day. That means that my stress levels don't have a chance to accumulate throughout the week. I use my days off to do yoga, nap, cook, write, walk, watch a movie or read a book.

Next, I've proclaimed one day per week as "ME DAY." No appointments, no friends dropping by, no arrends to run, no cleaning the house. This was a recommendation from Dr. Kharrazian. For parents, he recommends taking at least a half-day per week for yourself. It has a made a huge difference! I used to schedule dr.'s appointments, arrends, and dates with friends all on the same day which meant I was driving all over town and totally exhausted by the time I got home. Now, I try to schedule just 1-2 items per day, in the same part of town to minimize driving.

Other changes I've made: 1) Going to bed by 10 or 10:30 and waking up no later than 7 or 8am. This one is hard to do, especially on the weekends. But, when I do it, I feel better--more rested and rejuvenated. 2) Eating my big meal of the day at lunch time, no later than 2pm. This is when our digestive system is at it's strongest and most efficient. It also means less snacking at night time. 3) Reducing time on the computer and in front of the TV. It's helped calm my mind and rest my body. 4) Maybe you'll like this one! At least once a week I hit some pillows with a tennis racket and yell, "No!" at the top of my lungs. I do this to release energy that is stuck in my throat or belly. As women, we're often told that getting angry is not ok. So we stuff it. As they say, "Depression is anger turned inward." Every time I do this when I'm feeling down, it helps me feel lighter and more joyful. Even if my neighbors may wonder what the heck is going on in there!!!

A friend recently reminded me that it's only been 4 months since my diagnosis. She observed how much progress I've made in such a short time. This made me feel really good. I've worked hard to sift through all of the information, make changes in my lifestyle and eating habits, and put myself first even when it's uncomfortable or at the risk of people being disappointed or annoyed. Through this disease my thyroid has been my greatest teacher, and I am so grateful for it's lessons. While the process has been tenuous, uncomfortable, and frustrating, ultimately, I've learned how to love myself, slow down, enjoy life, and relax. I'm not driven by perfectionism or achievement as much as I once was. I exercise to feel good, not to lose weight. It may sound contrite, but I feel like I've got ME back. Not all the time. I still have my lows. But they don't last as long. And I have ways to help myself feel better again. Usually, it just means resting more, and doing less.

My next step? Maintain the changes I've made. Talk to my doctor about the results of my recent food intolerance and adrenal function tests. Gradually increase my exercise to include more of the activities I love, like swimming and biking. Take more baths to reduce stress. Find ways to make work fun. Love my husband and let him love me. Do you see a trend here? Self-care to the max! Self-indulgent? Maybe. All I know, is I feel happier. As someone who is happier, I complain less and laugh more. I have more to offer the people around me. Remember what they tell you on airplanes? Put your oxygen mask on yourself first, then your child. We gotta help ourselves before we can be of any help to others. I always knew this in theory, but now I'm living it. I can tell you this--- it works!

Victim or Creator?

In my psychology classes I do an activity with my students the first week of the term. I ask students to draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and in the left-hand column write across the top, "I have to..." and then number 1-3 below it. I then ask them to write down three things they have to do. Examples range from "I have to brush my teeth," to "I have to go to work." I then ask them to pair up and repeatedly read their list of "have to" items, each time repeating the words, "I have to." They take turns reading their lists until I say "stop."

Next, I ask them to write across the right-hand column, "I choose to_______ because/so_____ and rewrite their previous list of "to do's" using this new wording. For example, "I choose to brush my teeth, so that I don't get gingivitis," or "I choose to go to work so that I can pay my bills." I then ask them to share this new list with their partner, following the same format as before.

Finally, we talk about how reading the first list differed from reading the second. Some students will say it felt the same and some will say that they feel more motivated by "have to" than "choose to" because there is no question that they will complete the goal or task, especially if it is an important one to them like finishing school or finding work they love. Most students, however, will say that saying "choose to" feels more empowering and freeing than saying "have to." They explain that when they read their "have to" list they felt a heavy weight on them, like they were obligated to do it or like someone was making them do it. On the other hand, the "choose to" list, they say, helps remind them why they are doing the task and this increases their motivation.

We discuss how "have to", while motivating to some, might be more aptly referred to as "victim" language, while "choose to" tends to feel more empowering and therefore might be described as "creator" language. We talk about how, when we choose our actions and behaviors we take ownership of them, we are in the driver's seat, not some higher authority wagging their finger at us, telling us what to do. Therefore, we are creators our lives, no one else.

Why are so many of us resistant to this idea of taking responsibility for our lives? How do creator-types become creator-types? Were they born that way? Or did they learn that it felt better to go through life making lemonade out of lemons instead of sitting by the lemon tree whining and beating their fists on the ground? And if they learned it, who taught them? Or did they teach themselves through observing successful, happy people?

As a college psychology instructor, my guess is that it's a little bit of both. Some of us are born with the propensity towards seeing the glass half full, and some of us are born with the potential for the "half-empty" attitude. Research shows, however, that our genetics do not determine our destiny as a "happy" person or a "melancholic" person. We are not victims of our DNA. Other factors come into play that can tip us one way or the other. Like family, for example, or mentors...

There is a very informative, well-researched documentary out there called, "This Emotional Life" and in it there is a story of a guy who grows up with alcoholic, neglectful parents; they were in a drunk stupor for much of his childhood. As a teenager he was arrested several times for stealing. After getting off on probation for his most recent crime, his probation officer told him that the next time he committed a crime he would be thrown in jail and tried as an adult which could mean a much longer prison sentence. He got a job delivering furniture. One of his deliveries was to a well-to-do surgeon's home in the suburbs. He ended up talking with the surgeon for hours about life and purpose. They ended up spending time together on a regular basis. The surgeon suggested the young man go into medicine. The young man told the surgeon that he didn't even have a high school education so he doubted he would be able to make it to medical school. The surgeon kept encouraging him. The young man eventually became a very well-respected surgeon.

It seems that the power of having a relationship like this--with someone who sees your light, your potential, and who never gives up on you-- is enough to steer you in the right direction. It also seems helpful to have someone in your life who offers unconditional love and support and sits across from you and listens without judgment of your fears, dreams, and hurts. And someone who doesn't buy into your stories about why you don't deserve or can't do or have such and such. Despite this guy's nightmare-ish home environment, he was able to turn his situation around by 1) taking responsibility, and 2) finding someone who encouraged and believed in him.

Another inspiring story of a creator is Randy Pausch's book, The Last Lecture. If you haven't read his book or seen his lecture on Youtube, I highly recommend you check it out. If you are a parent, you may find it even more poignant. Randy Pausch was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in September 2007. After major abdominal surgery he was cancer free, but the cancer came back and he was given 3-6 months to live. He ended up living four months longer than what doctors predicted. What impressed me most about Pausch's story, was that, not only did he live longer, but he refused to play victim to his diagnosis. His secret? From what I can gather, he was, by nature, a very upbeat, positive person from the beginning (aka, birth) and had very loving, supportive parents who guided him. However, what is most striking about his story is his value-driven existence and his passion for his dreams. He lived according to clear values and beliefs and always had a dream to keep him occupied, whether it was being in zero gravity, playing in the NFL, working for Disney, becoming Captain Kirk, or woo-ing his wife to marry him (if some of these dreams seem unrealistic, check out the book or video, and you'll see how he managed to fulfill all of them). In his lecture, he said, "I don't know how not to have fun!" He seemed to live life with a childlike enthusiasm, even after hearing about his diagnosis. He refused to be a victim.

These stories help remind me to complain less and appreciate more, lighten up and have more fun, and forgive the people who I've perceived have done me wrong. We're all just doing the best we can, right? Like Randy Pausch states in his book, The Last Lecture, "If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you...When you're frustrated with people, when they've made you angry, it just may be because you haven't given them enough time....People will show you their good side. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out."

Choose the Opposite Emotion

To live from a higher vibration I was recently offered this idea...

Step 1: Become aware of any unhappy emotions you might be experiencing.

Step 2: Analyse the emotion and ask yourself, "Where did this emotion come from?" Try not to belabor this with overthinking.

Step 3: Choose the opposite emotion as a sort of "eraser" of the previous, lower vibration, negative emotion.

Step 4: Embody the higher vibration emotion.

Ta dah!!!

Thanks Dagmar!

Making Decisions from a New Paradigm

I recently spoke with an Ayurvedic healer; a very wise man with intense blue eyes that look past false exteriors, and stare you down until you offer up nothing but the truth. It's unnerving, really, but also a relief. My "look good" doesn't work on him and I don't want it to. I'm here for some major healing and I'm tired of getting in my own way. I need someone smarter than my lie-telling, crazy-making, pessimistic mind to guide me toward what's going to pump some passion and energy back into my being and my life.

So, he sits me down, looks at me intently (see above) and asks me if I have any questions before we start. I pour my heart out, cry a little, and then say, "No, I don't have any questions but I thought I better give you some background about why I'm so miserable" or something along those lines. He only looks at me and calmly says, "Yes. That's good." He asks me a few more questions and I answer, telling him about how I want to quit my job but don't have the money to do it yet, how I struggle to know my purpose in life, and how I'm too exhausted most of the time to give anything of value to the world. He listens and asks a few more questions then begins to talk.

He explains that Ayurveda considers three elements of a person: the soul, the mind, and the body. The soul is our true essence, the mind is our conditioning, and the body is what tells us whether we're listening to our mind or our soul. In other words, our body is the vehicle for us to realign with our soul. It gives us signals or symptoms for getting back on track. He explained to me that by looking at me he could tell that my body is very strong and can work hard for long periods of time before tiring. He suggested that my body was attacking my thyroid because that was the only way to get me to slow down. If my thyroid couldn't produce more hormones for more activity then I would have to rest. Brilliant! My body is telling me to slow down! He continued by telling me that if I can learn to move through my life in a relaxed state rather than in a hyper-aroused(aka, fight or flight) state, then my body would be able to heal itself.

I heard recently that 95% of all diseases are caused by stress. I'm not surprised. Lately, I've been using a heart rate monitor to gauge my level of stress. I walk around the house, walk our dog, cook dinner and watch my heart rate go up and down. When I am in my body, walking slowly, breathing deeply I watch my heart rate drop. When I am in my head, worrying about the next thing on my "to-do" list, moving at a fast pace, forgetting to breathe, I watch my heart rate go up. It can change in seconds which just goes to show how powerful our minds are. At any given moment we can choose a thought and that thought can lead to a slowing or hastening of our heart beat.

It hasn't been easy, but I've turned down extra work (which means extra money), alluring social invitations, and calls for help from friends who are used to my support. I've also stayed away from intense gym workouts and weight lifting sessions and opted for restorative yoga classes and light walks instead. I've focused on making lunch my biggest meal of the day in order to support healthier digestion and I've made cooking more of a priority. I try to go to bed around the same time each night and wake up around the same time each morning (this has been my biggest challenge). It's all a work in progress so I can't say that I am feeling dramatically better. However, it feels good to put myself first for a change rather than giving in to the external pressures of friends and work and "to do" lists. I've had to shift some core beliefs (like the one about my work defining who I am), shake off fears (of friends ditching me or running out of money), and really accept my body as it is (rather than obsessively trying to shed the extra pounds). It's truly a paradigm shift--a complete turn-around from my longstanding belief system. But, it feels good--empowering---and that's a start, right?

Hashimoto's Disease and The Path to Healing

It has been awhile since I've posted. I've been absorbing a lot of incoming information since being diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease about two months ago. Hashimoto's (aka, "Harry Schmoto's, as a friend of mine likes to call it) or thyroiditis, is an autoimmune disease affecting thyroid function. It is one of the most common causes of hypothyroidism and fortunately, quite treatable. Basically, the body attacks the tissues of the thyroid, causing symptoms of an underactive (depression, weight gain, fatigue) and overactive (anxiety, insomnia, weight loss, heart palpatations) thyroid intermittently. My diagnosis is a huge relief as I have been struggling with alternating periods of anxiety and depression over the past few years--a lot of peaks and valleys without much of an even ground. Now I realize that I'm not off my rocker, I'm just dealing with an endocrine system that is out of balance.

While, yes, it is a relief to know what's happening, it is also a bit overwhelming as there is so much information out there to sift through and many different treatment protocols, depending on what doctor you talk to or what research you read. The more I learn about the thyroid and the healing process of this disease, the more complicated it feels. But alas, I have a great team of healers on my side, guiding and encouraging me. I am seeing an ND, an MD, and recently sought advice from an Ayurvedic practitioner. I've also emailed several friends of mine who are naturopaths and they have been gracious enough to give me friendly advice free of charge. In addition, I am reading a very enlightening book by Dr. Datis Kharrazian called Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? While it does contain a lot of information--some of it confusing scientific terminology--it has helped my understanding of the disease and how to treat it naturally.

This onslaught of incoming information is certainly exercising my muscles of discernment. One doctor says this, another says that. Sometimes they agree, sometimes they disagree. Ultimately, what I've decided to do is try out different ideas and see which feels better. For example, my MD suggests that I eat six small meals a day to maintain healthy blood sugar levels, while my Ayurvedic practitioner says that eating three meals a day (a light breakfast, good-sized lunch, and healthy dinner) better enables my digestive tract to heal. I like the three meals a day plus a snack. My MD reiterates, at each visit, the importance of balancing my adrenals, while a chiropractor on the web prioritizes detoxing the GI tract of parasites and yeast. I'm focusing on both by eating regularly throughout the day, practicing deep breathing, and taking probiotics. Needless to say, it's easier and far more reassuring when the advice overlaps. My ND tells me to work on "stress management" and my Ayurvedic practitioner spends an hour teaching me deep breathing exercises. The advice I received from both my ND and MD was to go gluten-free. Likewise, my three naturopathic friends confirmed that they'd seen patients benefit from removing gluten from their diet. As an aside, supposedly the molecular structure of gluten resembles that of the thyroid gland. For those patients with Hashimoto's disease, eating gluten triggers an autoimmune response in the body which heightens the symptoms of the disorder (Kharrazian, 2010).

In a nutshell, what I've discovered so far, from my reading, my consulting, and my appointments with various healers is that the endocrine system (of which the thyroid is a part) is intricately connected and dependent on other systems in the body. An example of this is the the nervous system. A calm nervous system leads to healthy digestion and therefore, prevents overtaxed adrenal glands and an overactive inflammatory response. More specifically, when our sympathetic nervous system (aka, "fight or flight") runs the show, it actually subdues or shuts down digestion (after all, who needs to digest food when you're fighting or running away from a sabre tooth tiger) which causes the adrenals to pump out cortisol. This triggers the autoimmune (or inflammatory) response which causes the body to attack the tissues of the thyroid. An inefficient digestive system can cause all sorts of problems from neurotransmitter depletion to "leaky gut". In fact, the largest producer of serotonin is not in the brain but in the GI tract (www.drkaslow.com). "Leaky gut" happens when damage to the intestinal lining causes intestinal permeability which, in turn, allows partially digested food, bacteria, and waste to be released into the bloodstream. This triggers an inflammatory response in the body (www.drweil.com).

Phew! See? There's a lot of information to synthesize and make sense out of. It's been frustrating not having a clearly marked path of healing to follow. It's also been disheartening to feel crummy more days than not even though I've made dietary and lifestyle changes. But it's early in the healing process and, again, there is no black and white, "magic" path. I ran into a woman at the grocery store the other day who said it took her 14 months to feel better once she changed her diet. That's not to say it will take me that long, but it was comforting to hear her story because it reminded me to stoke the fires of faith and patience--two key ingredients for calming the nervous system! If I'm constantly worrying about what supplements to take, what foods to eat, how much to exercise, how often to rest, I'm going to create more anxiety and thus more stress in my body which will trigger the autoimmune response. It would almost be better to peacefully, quietly eat a chocolate chip cookie while breathing deeply afterwards than to worry about every little thing I put into my mouth and what it will do to my body. Eating the cookie sounds like a lot more fun and it doesn't cause the domino effect of the autoimmune response. Eh hem, to be clear, I am not suggesting that people eat more cookies. However, Ayurvedic philosophy suggests that how you eat (chewing slowly in a peaceful environment) is more important than what you eat. Hmmm....something to ponder.

It's funny, the behavior that got me into this mess in the first place was that Type A, high-achiever attitude that wants to "fix" things, perfect one's performance, please others, and do whatever it takes to win, succeed, be healthy, etc. What I'm realizing first hand from this diagnosis is that being (the term my yoga teacher uses often) is the door to health: taking baths, deeply breathing as I take my dog on a walk, feeling my body in the yoga poses instead of reciting my "to do" list, noticing hunger in my body and then eating slowly and chewing my food thoroughly, or feeling my chest tighten when I'm feeling angry or scared or sad. These kinds of activities are antithetical to the persona of "athlete", "heroine", "warrioress" with which I used to identify so closely. It's not easy to remember to "be" instead of "do", but when I do remember, I feel so much better.

One of the best pieces of advice I've received recently is from one of my naturopathic friends, "Be happy, focus on health and vitality and don't worry about...(insert a list of issues that I was concerned about)." Underline the word "be".

P.S. I'm realizing that while taking care of myself is really important, things like teaching my students, listening to my husband, reading and spending time with friends, also help me get out of my head and remember that there is a whole world out there! It's a fine balance between self-love and self-absorption. A dear mentor of mine taught me a very useful affirmation, "I am not my body." Right now, he is living with Parkinson's disease and, yet, he has not abandoned this affirmation. Go Matt! I have another friend who is fighting cancer. She manages to keep a sense of humor even when she's faced with one diagnosis after the next. Her body may be frail right now, but her spirit is still robust and strong. Go Kath!!! Caroline Myss is another inspiration to me. Her book, Anatomy of the Spirit, relates countless stories of people who live with physical disease in their bodies but their spirits are still going strong. Grieving and feeling are certainly part of the process, empathy and encouragement from loved ones is a necessity, but I'm re-realizing that also vital to the path to healing and vibrant health, is strength of spirit.