Thursday, October 28, 2010

Making Decisions from a New Paradigm

I recently spoke with an Ayurvedic healer; a very wise man with intense blue eyes that look past false exteriors, and stare you down until you offer up nothing but the truth. It's unnerving, really, but also a relief. My "look good" doesn't work on him and I don't want it to. I'm here for some major healing and I'm tired of getting in my own way. I need someone smarter than my lie-telling, crazy-making, pessimistic mind to guide me toward what's going to pump some passion and energy back into my being and my life.

So, he sits me down, looks at me intently (see above) and asks me if I have any questions before we start. I pour my heart out, cry a little, and then say, "No, I don't have any questions but I thought I better give you some background about why I'm so miserable" or something along those lines. He only looks at me and calmly says, "Yes. That's good." He asks me a few more questions and I answer, telling him about how I want to quit my job but don't have the money to do it yet, how I struggle to know my purpose in life, and how I'm too exhausted most of the time to give anything of value to the world. He listens and asks a few more questions then begins to talk.

He explains that Ayurveda considers three elements of a person: the soul, the mind, and the body. The soul is our true essence, the mind is our conditioning, and the body is what tells us whether we're listening to our mind or our soul. In other words, our body is the vehicle for us to realign with our soul. It gives us signals or symptoms for getting back on track. He explained to me that by looking at me he could tell that my body is very strong and can work hard for long periods of time before tiring. He suggested that my body was attacking my thyroid because that was the only way to get me to slow down. If my thyroid couldn't produce more hormones for more activity then I would have to rest. Brilliant! My body is telling me to slow down! He continued by telling me that if I can learn to move through my life in a relaxed state rather than in a hyper-aroused(aka, fight or flight) state, then my body would be able to heal itself.
I heard recently that 95% of all diseases are caused by stress. I'm not surprised. Lately, I've been using a heart rate monitor to gauge my level of stress. I walk around the house, walk our dog, cook dinner and watch my heart rate go up and down. When I am in my body, walking slowly, breathing deeply I watch my heart rate drop. When I am in my head, worrying about the next thing on my "to-do" list, moving at a fast pace, forgetting to breathe, I watch my heart rate go up. It can change in seconds which just goes to show how powerful our minds are. At any given moment we can choose a thought and that thought can lead to a slowing or hastening of our heart beat.
It hasn't been easy, but I've turned down extra work (which means extra money), alluring social invitations, and calls for help from friends who are used to my support. I've also stayed away from intense gym workouts and weight lifting sessions and opted for restorative yoga classes and light walks instead. I've focused on making lunch my biggest meal of the day in order to support healthier digestion and I've made cooking more of a priority. I try to go to bed around the same time each night and wake up around the same time each morning (this has been my biggest challenge). It's all a work in progress so I can't say that I am feeling dramatically better. However, it feels good to put myself first for a change rather than giving in to the external pressures of friends and work and "to do" lists. I've had to shift some core beliefs (like the one about my work defining who I am), shake off fears (of friends ditching me or running out of money), and really accept my body as it is (rather than obsessively trying to shed the extra pounds). It's truly a paradigm shift--a complete turn-around from my longstanding belief system. But, it feels good--empowering---and that's a start, right?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Hashimoto's Disease and The Path to Healing

It has been awhile since I've posted. I've been absorbing a lot of incoming information since being diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease about two months ago. Hashimoto's (aka, "Harry Schmoto's, as a friend of mine likes to call it) or thyroiditis, is an autoimmune disease affecting thyroid function. It is one of the most common causes of hypothyroidism and fortunately, quite treatable. Basically, the body attacks the tissues of the thyroid, causing symptoms of an underactive (depression, weight gain, fatigue) and overactive (anxiety, insomnia, weight loss, heart palpatations) thyroid intermittently. My diagnosis is a huge relief as I have been struggling with alternating periods of anxiety and depression over the past few years--a lot of peaks and valleys without much of an even ground. Now I realize that I'm not off my rocker, I'm just dealing with an endocrine system that is out of balance.

While, yes, it is a relief to know what's happening, it is also a bit overwhelming as there is so much information out there to sift through and many different treatment protocols, depending on what doctor you talk to or what research you read. The more I learn about the thyroid and the healing process of this disease, the more complicated it feels. But alas, I have a great team of healers on my side, guiding and encouraging me. I am seeing an ND, an MD, and recently sought advice from an Ayurvedic practitioner. I've also emailed several friends of mine who are naturopaths and they have been gracious enough to give me friendly advice free of charge. In addition, I am reading a very enlightening book by Dr. Datis Kharrazian called Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? While it does contain a lot of information--some of it confusing scientific terminology--it has helped my understanding of the disease and how to treat it naturally.

This onslaught of incoming information is certainly exercising my muscles of discernment. One doctor says this, another says that. Sometimes they agree, sometimes they disagree. Ultimately, what I've decided to do is try out different ideas and see which feels better. For example, my MD suggests that I eat six small meals a day to maintain healthy blood sugar levels, while my Ayurvedic practitioner says that eating three meals a day (a light breakfast, good-sized lunch, and healthy dinner) better enables my digestive tract to heal. I like the three meals a day plus a snack. My MD reiterates, at each visit, the importance of balancing my adrenals, while a chiropractor on the web prioritizes detoxing the GI tract of parasites and yeast. I'm focusing on both by eating regularly throughout the day, practicing deep breathing, and taking probiotics. Needless to say, it's easier and far more reassuring when the advice overlaps. My ND tells me to work on "stress management" and my Ayurvedic practitioner spends an hour teaching me deep breathing exercises. The advice I received from both my ND and MD was to go gluten-free. Likewise, my three naturopathic friends confirmed that they'd seen patients benefit from removing gluten from their diet. As an aside, supposedly the molecular structure of gluten resembles that of the thyroid gland. For those patients with Hashimoto's disease, eating gluten triggers an autoimmune response in the body which heightens the symptoms of the disorder (Kharrazian, 2010).

In a nutshell, what I've discovered so far, from my reading, my consulting, and my appointments with various healers is that the endocrine system (of which the thyroid is a part) is intricately connected and dependent on other systems in the body. An example of this is the the nervous system. A calm nervous system leads to healthy digestion and therefore, prevents overtaxed adrenal glands and an overactive inflammatory response. More specifically, when our sympathetic nervous system (aka, "fight or flight") runs the show, it actually subdues or shuts down digestion (after all, who needs to digest food when you're fighting or running away from a sabre tooth tiger) which causes the adrenals to pump out cortisol. This triggers the autoimmune (or inflammatory) response which causes the body to attack the tissues of the thyroid. An inefficient digestive system can cause all sorts of problems from neurotransmitter depletion to "leaky gut". In fact, the largest producer of serotonin is not in the brain but in the GI tract (www.drkaslow.com). "Leaky gut" happens when damage to the intestinal lining causes intestinal permeability which, in turn, allows partially digested food, bacteria, and waste to be released into the bloodstream. This triggers an inflammatory response in the body (www.drweil.com).

Phew! See? There's a lot of information to synthesize and make sense out of. It's been frustrating not having a clearly marked path of healing to follow. It's also been disheartening to feel crummy more days than not even though I've made dietary and lifestyle changes. But it's early in the healing process and, again, there is no black and white, "magic" path. I ran into a woman at the grocery store the other day who said it took her 14 months to feel better once she changed her diet. That's not to say it will take me that long, but it was comforting to hear her story because it reminded me to stoke the fires of faith and patience--two key ingredients for calming the nervous system! If I'm constantly worrying about what supplements to take, what foods to eat, how much to exercise, how often to rest, I'm going to create more anxiety and thus more stress in my body which will trigger the autoimmune response. It would almost be better to peacefully, quietly eat a chocolate chip cookie while breathing deeply afterwards than to worry about every little thing I put into my mouth and what it will do to my body. Eating the cookie sounds like a lot more fun and it doesn't cause the domino effect of the autoimmune response. Eh hem, to be clear, I am not suggesting that people eat more cookies. However, Ayurvedic philosophy suggests that how you eat (chewing slowly in a peaceful environment) is more important than what you eat. Hmmm....something to ponder.

It's funny, the behavior that got me into this mess in the first place was that Type A, high-achiever attitude that wants to "fix" things, perfect one's performance, please others, and do whatever it takes to win, succeed, be healthy, etc. What I'm realizing first hand from this diagnosis is that being (the term my yoga teacher uses often) is the door to health: taking baths, deeply breathing as I take my dog on a walk, feeling my body in the yoga poses instead of reciting my "to do" list, noticing hunger in my body and then eating slowly and chewing my food thoroughly, or feeling my chest tighten when I'm feeling angry or scared or sad. These kinds of activities are antithetical to the persona of "athlete", "heroine", "warrioress" with which I used to identify so closely. It's not easy to remember to "be" instead of "do", but when I do remember, I feel so much better.

One of the best pieces of advice I've received recently is from one of my naturopathic friends, "Be happy, focus on health and vitality and don't worry about...(insert a list of issues that I was concerned about)." Underline the word "be".

P.S. I'm realizing that while taking care of myself is really important, things like teaching my students, listening to my husband, reading and spending time with friends, also help me get out of my head and remember that there is a whole world out there! It's a fine balance between self-love and self-absorption. A dear mentor of mine taught me a very useful affirmation, "I am not my body." Right now, he is living with Parkinson's disease and, yet, he has not abandoned this affirmation. Go Matt! I have another friend who is fighting cancer. She manages to keep a sense of humor even when she's faced with one diagnosis after the next. Her body may be frail right now, but her spirit is still robust and strong. Go Kath!!! Caroline Myss is another inspiration to me. Her book, Anatomy of the Spirit, relates countless stories of people who live with physical disease in their bodies but their spirits are still going strong. Grieving and feeling are certainly part of the process, empathy and encouragement from loved ones is a necessity, but I'm re-realizing that also vital to the path to healing and vibrant health, is strength of spirit.