Lately--as you may have read in my previous post--I've experienced a relapse. I went to the doctor three days ago and my latest blood test results confirmed this. My hormone levels have dropped in half since a year ago. In addition, my neurotransmitters have improved but are still quite out of balance---especially my serotonin levels (serotonin is our "feel good" neurotransmitter), and my adrenals are still pooped. I trust my doctor completely, especially because I was very skeptical at first. I was fed up with feeling like crap and was on the verge of going on anti-depressants. She was the fourth practitioner I'd seen in a year. So, I did my research and came to my first half-dozen appointments with a long list of questions. She spent a lot of time with me explaining things. So, this alone built trust. More importantly, however, she's been down the road I've been on. She was diagnosed with Hashimoto's several years ago and tried the Western medicine path to no avail (they just prescribed drugs which didn't get to the core of the problem). So, she went to see a naturopath. Did I mention my doctor is an M.D.? To be brief, her naturopath helped her heal. She still experiences symptoms from time to time during flare-ups, but she is a total convert to integrative medicine. Lastly, my doctor is smart! She sees the big picture of healing. At each appointment she asks me questions not only about my physical symptoms but questions about how my relationship with my husband is going (we are newly married), whether or not I'm exercising, how I'm eating. There is more and more scientific research supporting a holistic approach to healing chronic disease (I highly recommend reading David Servan-Schreiber's book, Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life for more details on the latest studies being conducted on this). She tries natural approaches first and rarely prescribes medication. The reason for this? She's seen the results of the natural approach! It's as simple as that.
So, like I said, I trust my doctor. I trust my treatment plan. I am fully committed to feeling well. I go to yoga 2-3 times a week. I eat a Paleolithic diet (high protein, a lot of vegetables and no grains). I walk every day. I meditate every day. I see a therapist for emotional support. I'm not saying I always do it perfectly (wine and chocolate are my friends), but I am taking noble steps toward getting better. In other words, I am a dream patient!!!! I am totally committed to the healing process! More importantly, I have experienced feeling better, so I trust that what I'm doing is working which motivates me to do all that I can do to heal. But the healing process is not a straight upward progression, there are peaks and valleys. And the body is complex, so addressing all the layers of what's happening can be tricky and complicated. This means that a pill or pills will not "cure" what ails me. It's a process. Do we really think we can cure a health issue that's been building for 40 years in 3 months? We are such an instant gratification kind of society that it's hard for us to come to terms with the fact that healing involves a process not just a pill. And believe me, if I believed a pill would do the trick, my medicine cabinet would be full! But the research I've done suggests that it takes more than this to heal.
You can see why then, I get annoyed when I share my challenges with friends and colleagues and some of them give me off-the-cuff advice like, "Why don't you just go on meds so you can feel better?!!" or "Are you sure you don't want to try anti-depressants?" or "Have you tried such and such?" Ok folks, enough! I try to have compassion for these types of responses. I'm sure they are only trying to help. I can empathize with the fact that watching your loved one suffer can be painful, and that all you really want to do is try to help them fix it so that they no longer suffer. I can also understand that they may be uncomfortable with hearing someone be real about their health challenges. Or maybe they just have a different idea of what "healing" or "curing" looks like. I often run into people who think that integrative or alternative medicine is a bunch of new-age hooey. They live by the Western medicine paradigm. If they read David Servan-Schreiber's book they might change their view. He strictly believed that Western medicine was the saving grace for any illness until he was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and experienced a relapse after the standard western approach failed. He ended up using a combination of chemotherapy, dietary and lifestyle changes, meditation, and psychotherapy to help heal his cancer. We tend to believe what we can see, which often means that if there is no scientific research to back it up, then there is no validity to the method. Dr. Mahmut Oz says that there is a gradual movement toward devoting more money toward research on alternative healing methods, but thus far, not many people have wanted to invest in it, therefore there is not a lot of research to support it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't work. Shamans, Tibetans, the Vedics, Native Americans, all of these indigenous cultures have practiced "alternative" healing, often with great success. But that's another blog post.
The reason the off-the-cuff responses are so frustrating to me is that, in my perception, these folks are offering advice that 1) I haven't asked for, 2) is based on a lack of in-depth knowledge about the exact nature of my health issues, and 3) is given without knowing what I've already tried, what has or hasn't worked, and what my treatment plan is now. Believe me, I will ask you for your suggestions if 1) my doctor runs out of ideas, 2) if what I've tried doesn't end up working, or 3) if you have just read cutting edge research that I haven't read already.
So, please people, if you have friends and loved ones who struggle with chronic illness do your research, ask them questions, support them with your awesome listening and empathizing skills but do not give advice unless it is invited! Receiving unsolicited advice when you are already feeling like you're doing everything in your power to improve your health feels like a slap in the face. It doesn't acknowledge what you've already tried and the progress you've made to that point. This may just be my perception so consider it, talk with your loved ones and see how they feel about it. Maybe they feel really supported by your advice because they hadn't thought of your suggestions before. It's just that in my case, I spend about 60-70% of time doing research, talking to my doctors, reading books, listening to my body, and following my treatment plan. I know what I'm doing, I just need encouragement and love and a listening ear when I'm feeling fed up.
That said, I do have people in my life who I feel are very supportive--colleagues, friends, family, my husband, my yoga teacher, my therapist. The best support I receive is when someone simply listens, tries to understand what I'm experiencing, and offers warmth and encouragement. Maybe they can even relate to the challenges I'm facing so I don't feel so alone in the whole deal. In any case, as a recovering advice-giver myself, I understand the urge, but now I'm realizing how little help it truly provides to someone who is struggling.
I know my body well. And I trust my doctor. Most of all, I trust myself and the path that I've taken to get to where I am. The bottom line is that when I take time to listen to my body and myself, there's always new wisdom and guidance revealed about my next step to healing. And I have a smart, supportive doctor to help me with the details. What more do I need? A listening ear, an open heart, and a shoulder to lean on, that's what. Getting healthy and being happy is not automatic. Sometimes we have to work at it---some of us more than others. We need each other---not what's in our heads, but what's in our hearts. That's the good stuff. And that's what helps us heal. So, if you struggle with chronic illness, I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice (remember, I'm a recovering advice-giver): Consider your doctor's advice, the latest research, your loved ones' concerns, but most of all, listen to yourself and your body.
I should also add, that medication (aka, a pill) does indeed help many people. I don't want to sound like I am totally against Western medicine and what it has to offer. Some folks find anti-depressants, for example, to be very useful in taming their symptoms--some for the long-term (years) and some for a shorter period of time like 6mo to a year. I don't want to minimize the dramatic effects some folks experience when they take these medicines. To each his own. It's just that for me, in my case, the problem is much more multi-dimensional. So, back to my advice: Listen to yourself! If meds help you, then by all means take them! If they don't, then explore what works for you. No one can tell you how to heal. They can offer information, suggestions, etc. but you are the one inhabiting your body. I've found that as I get more and more in touch with my body's responses to different choices I make, foods I eat, types of exercise in which I engage, the more I can rely on it to guide me in the right direction.
I invite you to listen and learn and see what you discover.
